Seriously look at this fucking turdball. Let me tell you what, magicians. I guarantee you haven’t solved some materials science paradox and that means that you’re gonna have broken welds at every junction on this OPEN C SHAPE, but that is frankly the LEAST of your problems. Ergonomically, having your feet pedal slightly behind where you sit? That means you’re laying, full body weight, on your balls. Unless it hooks into a cleat on your belly button. But that’s still retarded. The steering geometry looks like a fucking six year old drew it up. I guarantee you with that little trail and the nonexistent stem, with little hipster bars? It’s gonna be jumpy and fucking horrible, no matter how much random mountainbike shock you cram into it.

Face it folks, this is just a motherfucking Unicycle with a steerable training wheel. It’s a clown bike. Stop reporting on it like it’s the next big step in cycling.

So, I’ve been slowly acquiring parts and doing work over the long, long winter, and now that the sun has come out, I’ve raced to get this done. It looks pretty awesome, and aside from having a pretty worn out Sunrace (cheapass) cassette on it (gear skipping in 4th, 6th, and 7th gears), it rides pretty great.

I had to install a bottom bracket cable guide, because it used a screwball cable-to-derailleur-stop setup on the original derailleur. And while I could have stayed with that Suntour unit, I wanted to get a more modern front (went with a Shimano RSX, which is slick as hell).

The rear is a Nexave Rapid-Rise, which is a low-normal derailleur (first time I’ve played with one, doesn’t seem to have any negative consequences for me).

These cranks were the “center of the build” in all reality, I scored them for $50 on eBay with shipping. Never had a modern two piece crank before either.

The Brooks B67 Conquest or whatever it’s called is very comfortable.

Barend shifters and non-aero levers leave a lot of swoopy cable housing on the front end.

All in all, I’m happy with it. Sourcing a new cassette soon.

After I got her all shaped up. It’s fun to ride, got a little bit of chopper flop from the fork being too tall plus it gives new definition to “relaxed” geometry in the back end too. But it’s nice enough to get me back and forth to work, and I think it might even work as an offroad machine, as long as I’m not being too aggressive.

This shows the control area a little better. The shifters are XT rapidfire pods, the right is an 8-speed, the left is a “mega 9″, so they are mismatched, but so is everything else on the bike.

The saddle is a nondescript Vetta I took off my second ever mountainbike, a Trek 7000, when I replaced it with a Vetta SL with the little silver plastic bumpers on it (I wish I could source one of these for this bike). At least this is the right vintage for the frame, since I’m such a purist.

1. Pull cranks, measure spindle. See if I can mount it with the 52 tooth ring at 42mm chainline. If so, I’ll buy a 20 tooth cog to whack on there and that’ll be that. The cranks are good looking enough, especially if I can shed the inner chainring.

2. Triangulate rear frame, triangulate fork. Just want to make sure it’s not off kilter. The q/a specs when the frame was new probably weren’t stupendous, and I’m sure time hasn’t made them any better.

3. New saddle. I have a bid in on a Brooks B5N, we’ll see if that works out. I could always throw the B17 on there, but I want something a little different, plus new Brooks saddles are expensive as hell right now thanks to the freefalling dollar.

4. A bag. I don’t know what, exactly, I want. Something small for the back, to hold a wrench, some allen keys, a patch kit, a spare tube. Something larger for the front to hold my camera, my phone, my wallet and keys.

5. Put the fatter tires on. I have a set of 700×32 Urbanmax’s right now, one that I think needs a boot and one that is brand new. I should be able to toss those on and improve the ride considerably. Those 700×25 Armadillos just aren’t cutting it in the comfort department.

6. New wheels. As for rims, I’m pretty much sold on the Mavic A119, they appear to be a decent bang for the buck option. But on hubs – while I’m plenty happy for this to be a fixed gear for right now, I’ve still got the jones for an 8-speed internal gear hub. The Sturmey Archer has some interesting historical links and whatnot, but I think with it’s design (bottom gear is direct drive, all others are step-up gears), a 52 tooth chainring would be a death sentence (even with it’s stock 25 tooth cog), so that is something to think about. I’d hopefully be in the position to buy some nice cranks for this bike before/while this wheel build was going on anyways, but it is still a consideration. The Shimano Nexus has 5th as direct-drive. With a 52 tooth ring and a 21 tooth rear, that would make direct drive 68-ish gear inches, right where my fixed gears hover. Very interesting indeed. I will note that right now, the Sturmey hub is cheaper, but not by a factor which would include a new set of crankarms.

So, I rode the new bike to work today. Aside from this Concor Lite saddle being a total fucking ass hatchet, and the fact that I was way too optimistic about how warm it was? Worked out great. Here she is in her final form.

I won’t be putting any lights or fenders or stuff on her, she’s going to be a fair weather bike. The black wheels do not work for the look, I’ll be building up some wheels later for it. I’m thinking about making it a geared bike, like I said, I have a hankering for an internal gear hub. A set of nice, bright silver rims would complement everything. Something wide enough to set some 28 or 32′s on it without looking lame, I’ve been treated very well by my Salsa Delgado Cross rims on my IRO, but I think I’d like to try something different, maybe a Velocity Dyad or a Mavic A719? 36 3-cross front and back.

Oh, and a saddle better suited to my wide ass.

It’ll be beautiful.