Catching up on some miscellany

I’ve been remiss in keeping my blog up to date with my acerbic ramblings and harsh judgment. So let us remedy this with a short blast of loathsome pop culture items.

1. Michael Jackson. Everyone acted surprised he died. Which is weird. Because the man has spent the past two decades having every unnecessary medical procedure in the book performed on his body so that he could look like an aging anorexic woman wearing a deflated sex-doll as a skin suit. Of course his body said “FUCK THIS SHIT” and checked out. Also, did everybody forgive him for being a mo-mo all of the sudden? Because whenever I bring up the fact that he fed little boys “jesus juice” and touched them in front of the elephant man’s skeleton, I get this look like it’s too soon. Yes. It was too soon. To touch those little boys. On their genitals. I did listen to his music all fucking day though.

2. Transformers 2 Revenge of The Fallen is not actually as nonlinear or nonsensical as it’s made out to be, but it is basically seven major action sequences with various trailing plot points reaching desperately for each other to gap the void between them. It feels like it’s about four hours long. It’s smeared down with enough campy cheese and vaguely oily feeling racial stereotypes to make your brain feel like County Fair nachos when it finally rolls out of the theater. Also Megan Fox’s boobs got more screen time than any robot, Shia, or any character except for the throwaway “college roommate” who for some reason fills the screen for 45 fucking minutes. This should tell you how much fat could have been ripped out, but for some reason was not. I’d like to see a “real director’s cut” where somebody takes a talented director and has them re-cut it into an actual one hour and fifty minute summer action flick.

3. This summer is kinda bullshit, weather wise. But yesterday made me want to find a way to fuck the air.

4. GI Joe looks like it’s gonna be horrible. FYI.

5. I think there might be some dried semen on my face.

I guess that doesn’t really have much to do with pop culture. But it’s raw and real, people. Get in touch with it.

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