Or at least for comedy.
OK, so I am not feeling great today because I decided to celebrate the rich cultural history of Ireland by drinking until my liver feels like a livid bruise deep inside me, and my trigger is a little short today. I have been unpleasant to a couple people and have, at other times, bloviated about utter trivialities. I have also engaged in my most common pastime – Scouring Craigslist.
I don’t know why I do it, it’s not like I’m in the market for a car, or a bicycle, or a handjob from a “straight guy”, or a prostitute to live in my front yard, but sometimes I will spend hours simply generating queries and putting them to Craigslist. How many trucks are there for sale for under $750? What kind of bicycle parts are for sale at midnight? And recently, the speed limitations of my car have come into sharp focus, so I have been searching for turbocharged cars for under $5000. (again no clue why, I’m not gonna buy any of these).
And that’s when I came upon this.
Doubtless this ad will be gone by the time some of you read it, so I will explain. It is a 1992 Saab 9000, and not just any Saab 9000, this one is a “Griffin Edition”, being sold for $1800. I will dissect the copy in a moment, but let us look at this car first.
This thing is, to put it gently… pug ugly. That’s not quite right. Pugs are pretty cute, in an ugly way. This is just.. horrible. Saabs are notoriously foul looking, but this is really shit.
This is a Griffin Edition car, number 100 of 400 ever made.
They stopped at 400 because nobody was going to go out of their way to buy a special fancy Saab which is visually identical to every other Saab 9000 that rolled out of the plant from 1982 to 2001.
This was a optionless car, came with every option available, including: leather interior, sport suspension, aero body kit, 16″ rims, power seats, and more.
Yes, it has every option except “good looks”. And what is aerodynamic about that body? From here it looks to have all the aerodynamics of a wheeled brick, or something that a mongoloid carved from a block of wood. I guess it has lateral symmetry which I suppose we should all be grateful for.
Is it just me, or does it look a little like the bastard child of an early Honda Civic and the 6000 SUX?
You be the judge.
(also I have just noticed that I said my trigger was short, which doesn’t mean anything. I guess I was trying to say my fuse was short? Or that I had a hair trigger? Either way I am going to go eat some ibuprophen and stand in a shower wishing I were dead)