Saving Myself Time in the Future

I’ve recently noticed that once you hit about 50 (I’m being generous, most people hit this brain-lock around 40), you are entitled to write a blog post about how young people these days are rude, how when you were young you were never rude, and almost invariably, to link this rudeness to a piece of technology that didn’t exist when you were young, therefore you couldn’t have been as rude as this generation. So, in the interest of saving myself time in my golden years, here is my template. For the record, I’m going to say that FUTUREITEM was invented in about 2012, was hitting early consumer adopters around 2019, and has hit consumer ubiquity in the first world around 2026.

July 13, 2029

I can hardly walk around the city anymore without seeing some young man using their FUTUREITEM right in the middle of a conversation with someone nearby. I am far from a luddite, I was an early adopter of the XYZBROMATE and have been fully virtualized onto the CIPHERBLOG since my 30’s, but never have I seen such rudeness accepted as the norm as when FUTUREITEM came onto the market. When I was young, we did not “zone out” entirely in the middle of a conversation! We would simply send a text message or make a quick cell phone call if we needed to. These days I can’t go to the store without running into some clerk with their eyes rolled up in their head, completely oblivious to the conversation I’m trying to have with them! The nerve! I carry a FUTUREITEM with me, but it’s always turned off, unless I have a legitimate need to use FUTUREITEM. I’m not just standing around constantly connected to people who aren’t even there, it’s disgusting. And more to the point, it’s sad, I feel sorry for these young people, because my generation was so much more thoughtful and empathetic than these monkey-creatures will ever be, and it’s all because we never used FUTUREITEM. I deeply regret what it will mean to their children, when FUTUREITEM has been the norm for so long that there is no humanity left anywhere. Oh, how they will wish that FUTUREITEM was never invented. And they will wallow in their own filth because they will know that all they had to do was turn their FUTUREITEM off when they were in the grocery story because it bothers people! And by people I mean me.

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