Twice in the past week, I arrived at work to the flashing of instant message windows, not the slightest bit work related.
One from each of the Lonely Ladies.
Lonely Lady Two was asking if I needed her daughter’s phone number again, despite the fact that I had told her no. I explained that the entire situation made me uncomfortable, and that I’d prefer to leave it alone (hat tip to Brad for helping me formulate the response). This of course didn’t dissuade her from prodding me more, but I’m sticking to my “leave me the fuck alone” guns.
Lonely Lady One was asking me if I had gone on a fun date. I responded that I hadn’t. This was all a ruse, to get me talking to her about the Mall Ninja.
The Mall Ninja is her ex boyfriend. From 1980. When they were 20 years old. They broke up for reasons that The Lonely Lady won’t really get into, I assume he left her for another woman or vice versa. I guess he wasn’t a Mall Ninja then, or at least hadn’t perfected his Mall Ninja technique. She got back in touch with him, for some reason. And went down there to see him. Here’s his story of what has happened since they broke up (as best as I can decipher from her crazy emails).
- He moved to Texas and worked as a contractor.
- He became a commercial pilot (small planes).
- He then joined the Air Force (or the AF Reserve, he did not specify)
- He flew “spy missions”. Nonspecific.
- He then found out his wife was sleeping with his commanding officer so he resigned. (Didn’t know you could do this but whatever)
- He then joined the Navy.
- He then became a SEAL. (keep in mind he would have been like 26, minimum)
- He then participated in the First Battle of Mogadishu (Black Hawk Down, meaning he’d have to be a member of Delta Force, the only SEALS involved in that conflict – He would have been 33 at the time)
- He is selected to attend “spy school”.
- After this, he was appointed to a nonspecific “diplomatic” mission, again doing “spy work”. Largely in Asia.
- After this immensely impressive career, spanning three branches of service and what had to have been dozens of commendations, he leaves the military.
- Bringing with him a resume that would literally guarantee him a position high in the hierarchy of any defense contractor in the world, he does what any sane man would do. He gets a dead end job at a Carmel, CA prison as a guard.
- He then gets married to a Russian woman, with a child. (Whether or not the kid is his is not determined)
And she honestly seems to believe him. She goes down there to visit him, and it’s a veiled adultery play, neither one has the cojones to just get down to fucking, so they have to play the game for a while, and before anybody’s hoo haa gets in touch with a bajingo, the Russian Bridge catches on. She starts sending email to LL2, broken english, asking for pictures. LL2 goes through paroxysms of doubt and sadness, but eventually, she just can’t let all the “trust” go. I’m not sure what the “trust” is, because she won’t define it.
Eventually this whole mess turns back around to me. So she plies me about my exes, and whether or not I’d get back together with any of them. This wasn’t entirely unexpected, she had hinted at it before. She asked, and she asked, and eventually we came to this. I’m paraphrasing.
“It sounds like you want it.” – LL2
“All other things being equal, I wouldn’t turn it down.” – Aaron
“Have you asked her about it?” – LL2
“I wouldn’t put our friendship in that position. And even though she’s not married, there are always consequences.” – Aaron
“So why don’t you go back and be with her? Life is short.” – LL2
“It seems a lot longer when you’re living in a town you hate after having ruined your career while still not having a relationship you thought you came back for.” – Aaron
“You’re too practical, where is your sense of romance?” – LL2
Is this really how people reason? Is this how they live? They move from one opportunity to fuck to another, and damn the consequences? Turn off your brain, ignore the lies, there’s “trust” there.