A startling realization…

As I stood in PDX this morning, waiting, shoeless, to worship at the edge of the Sacred X-ray Machine, in hopes that my bags would come back out, I watched two TSA seizures in just five minutes. Two men – grim faced, scolded like children – stood with me in awe of what we have created.

With the power of millions, if not billions, of dollars, thousands of employees, hundreds of hours of time: We have created the world’s most advanced toothpaste detection apparatus. We scour a thousand bags an hour, who am I kidding – probably a millon bags an hour nationwide, and with a 95% success rate, we locate and seize every tube of toothpaste that attempts to pass onto a plane. An entire bureaucracy of rules and regulations that amounts, in the end, to a bunch of road warriors having to go hit a Long’s drug on the other side of the nation, looking, bleary eyed, for a tube of mint flavored abrasive to scrape their teeth clean.

A fantastic future, where no teeth go cleaned midair.

2 thoughts on “A startling realization…

  1. “Security Theater”. This was on display at it’s fullest at the Minneapolis/St. Paul Intl airport, when I went to leave. There were two lines to get to the security checkpoint, one with a little woman who gave the cursory “Yeah, this doesn’t just say Death to Amerika” check to all boarding passes, and another guy, who I got to visit, who was literally using a loupe to scrutinize people’s drivers licenses. He stared at mine, with the sticker to change the address, and then waved me through. He held another guy though, for twenty minutes, before giving him his license back.

    I guess the idea is all the terrorists will be too appalled by a woman working a real job, and will go over to the high-scrutiny line. And there is no question that the guy was intimately familiar with the anti-forgery methods used on licenses from all fifty states, and of all the passport variations in the world, and was definitely not just a big prong.

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