Aaron’s got a short list, and he’s got a long list. And Boing Boing, you just made the short list.

OK, it’s mildly interesting that braindead twats will pay $30 for a discontinued pencil. But here, Mr. Frauenfelder, you admit that you have posted about this same fucking discontinued pencil THREE FUCKING TIMES. You call it incredible, but I’m looking at it, and I don’t see any fucking fusion reactors or perpetual motion devices on there. I see a fucking pencil with no god damned eraser and a fucking ten cent box. Then you go on to mention a low cost alternative.

Here’s my low cost alternative for you pencil seekers:

Look around your desk for five minutes. You will find a pencil. If not, go outside and look alongside the road. Or under your car seat. Or in your purse, or under your refrigerator. The world is literally adrift with abandoned fucking pencils, most of which have an eraser. Because they’re shitty, cheap, and nobody rational gives a fuck about them, and if the eraser is worn down? They go “crap, no eraser, time to throw away this worthless fucking pencil”.

You know what is just as good as a pencil with no eraser? A pen. And they make pens that are erasable too, so now you have no fucking excuse.

Here’s my pencil review. It applies to every pencil on the planet, but I will make it specific just so it feels authentic.

History : I found this pencil stuffed in a drawer with an old piece of cake from someones retirement three years ago. It has teethmarks in it from god knows who. I think the company advertised on the side has been out of business for a decade.

Performance: It writes, you know, with the grey-black powder from the non-eraser end. The gnawmarks provide excellent traction for when I’m using the eraser end. Eraser’s almost gone though, so every day I try to decide if this is the day I’m going to throw it the hell away.

Conclusion : Once the eraser’s gone, I’m going to go fish around in a drawer filled with unused Windows NT 4 client licenses and find another one, because spending money on pencils is for chimps.

Rating : One out of one possible star, because it is in fact a pencil.

There, that’s my fucking pencil review. The last pencil review that ever needs to be written.