I think I managed to offend someone completely in just three volleys.

me: Enhance your calm, citizen. Observation is protection.

S: I am already feeling quite nutty today. Don’t freak me out.

me: Stop taking the goofballs and everything will be fine.

S: Oh God. If I stop talking to the goofballs, then that’s it for you two.

me: Yeah? Don’t know what to do without the saltpeter?

At this point, I believe I offended the person offline. Only time will tell, but I am currently convinced this is a personal best, from zero to “non-communicative” in three short moves.