So, I’ve been exchanging emails with this girl. At least I think it’s a girl. Anyways, we have been exchanging emails for about a month, and I thought it was going pretty well. I felt the conversation was pleasant and that there might be genuine prospects, but I am pretty good at ass-dragging, so I drug that ass for weeks. I belabored the decision, but I was getting pressure from all around to ask her out, so I asked if she wanted to go out for a drink.

Enter the no-reply zone.

This is not the first time such a thing has happened to me. A certain level of friendliness is extended, and through what I can only assume is witchcraft, the person on the other end decides it’s too difficult to simply say “no thanks” and continue what was a very enjoyable email relationship, and instead stops talking to me altogether. This is followed by me feeling sort of bad about the whole thing, like I ruined some fun by trying to convert an online relationship to an offline one, regardless of seriousness, and then inevitably I stop talking to everyone for six or nine months and that, as they say, is that. Then I’ll try again.

I’m not saying this is certainly the case now, but it seems very likely. A lack of response for a week isn’t exactly glowing praise of the attractiveness of an offer. If you were eating someone’s cooking and they asked if you wanted seconds and you decided not to answer them for an hour, it probably doesn’t mean you liked it a lot.

Meanwhile, I keep having inexplicable dreams about pregnant girls and long-since-exes and waking up with that cold calculating brain stripping away the fake-love I felt in sleep. Like swallowing a length of cold chain.