Has-Been

Beneath Chuck Norris’s beard, there isn’t a chin, there is only a humorless dick who found god and can’t let an opportunity go past to remind everyone about it.

And now he’s trying to sue a book maker who is pretty fucking righteously in the clear, either by way of the argument that this is parody and therefore fair use, or that it is unreasonable that anyone would believe that Chuck Norris’s tears cured cancer, and therefore protected from “false statements” litigation, not to mention that you’re claiming trademark infringement on your name and likeness, which is again, totally insane. (PS: If you win this, I’m going to trademark my face too.)

Way to go Chuck! You could have parlayed some of this ironic resurgence of fame into something (shit, shill for the Creation Museum : “This is the story of all the creatures I let live”, or Rudy Giuliani : “I too wanted to divorce my wife and live with a group of homosexuals and then throw them under a bus to sell my candidacy to the social conservatives when I thought the time was right” or whatever you wanted to say). You could have gotten a spot on Priceline commercials where you explained that the deals were so good God sent you to make sure there was no monkey business with Satan. But instead you proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that you’re a goober with an axe to grind and zero ideas on how to spend social capital that the internet gave you for free.

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