Whichever one of you retards thought up the brilliant strategy of “let’s stop accepting cash“, bravo. Just excellent. Maybe now you can pull some old school Apple shit, like you can license FIC, HTC, and Motorola to build iPhone-compatible devices (Moto is dumb enough to fall for it again) and then yank the carpet out from under them in a couple months. Or maybe you could decide that what you really need to do is create your own oddball, one-off memory-card interface (Ask Sony about how good this one works out) like you did with keyboards and mice, Ethernet, expansion cards, video, video AGAIN, video, video, video, AUDIO (for god’s sake, like you couldn’t just use a regular fucking audio connector).
At absolute minimum, could you definitively tell every retard who picked up a macbook because it color coordinated with their iPod that you are not a free and open hippy dippy company and are in fact out to fuck everyone? That would be super, it would cut down on a lot of retarded forum posts.
I’m toasting this momentous occasion.
Here’s to you, Apple! No Cash/No Gift Cards is the most amazing policy decision I’ve seen you make, and I’ve been paying attention to Apple for a very long time. You have outdone yourself — until somebody finally sues you for not accepting cash as legal tender, and you come up with some other scheme even more chokingly retarded.
PPS – Here are some ideas for more hedge-legal and incredibly poor decisions to rush your spiral back down to $4 a share.
Force people to register their cell phones to their social security numbers.
Force people to register their cell phones with a picture that you keep in a face-recognition database.
Simple text messaging cleanup – Filter cursewords.
Put age restrictions on the device. I’m saying no younger than 18, no older than 30.
Tattoo on inner lip of iPhone serial number.
Random scans for non-authorized software on phone notifies to FBI as piracy/bricks your phone (you’re halfway there on this one)
Pay updates for phone firmware.
Scan text messages for “inflammatory words”/automatically add to terror watch list.
If you want to use any of these, just let me know by sending me $3000 on Paypal.