More thoughts on personals ads…

Least appealing ad title thus far – “I want to piss on you and then tease you”. Seriously, if you’re gonna pee on me, I’m gonna want more than teasing afterwards. Like at minimum sex. I guess if I were into pee play, it’d probably be sexy or something. For me it just sounds like a shitty job. Show up, get peed on, then fifteen minute smoke break, back to the pee, maybe get some dry humping and vague cockteasery, then a little shower and eat lunch. Back to the pee in the afternoon, looking at the clock the whole time. Clock out, locker room, change out of the pee clothes. Get back in the car, head back towards the house. Maybe pick up some greasy General Tso’s.

Most depressing ad – “Married, looking for a boyfriend – 45”. I don’t even know where to start on this one. I have a suggestion here: Vibrator. Go ahead and invest in one. Maybe stop with the constant dick and get another hobby. You’re 45, I know that it’s late to have developed any sort of taste in art or higher intellectual goals, but you could at least develop a vague interest in television or some entertainment a step up from fucking constantly. I know nobody ever died with the last words “I wish I had less sex”, but this borders on pathetic.

I think the ads that please me the most are the ones that follow this format.

  1. State own physical statistics. For example “5 feet 8 inches, 175 pounds.”
  2. Indicate you’re looking for “more personality than physical appearance”
  3. State the physical appearance you’re looking for.
  4. Restate that you are only in this for intellectual compatibility.
  5. State some more physical characteristics you’re looking for.
  6. Finish with a recap of physical characteristics you find attractive.

Back to the grind, the pee-tease is telling me my break is over.

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